A famous frog once said, “ … life is full of meetings and partings. That is the way of it.” Five years ago, I first met a man who would become my most trusted confidant, the one with whom I would share the darkest and most destructive parts of myself. In one-hour increments, we journeyed together through the shadowed corners of my mind. He coached me into a state of self where I could examine my heart from a place of calm, compassionate curiosity. He was there with me through tragedy, and he suffered my bitter tears of shame and self-loathing, and through it all he sat calmly and took notes below the howling wolf.
He taught me about the “internal family systems” theory of psychology, which describes our personalities as a system of many parts — the lonely part, the hopeful part, the selfish part, etc., who all have their own backstory and motivations, who work to protect the child within — the core self.
There are three main categories of parts: the exiles — the ones burdened by the painful memories of our past; the firefighters — the ones who seek to extinguish emotional fires through any means; and the managers — the ones who help us organize our lives by protecting the exiles and keeping the firefighters from tearing everything down. They are all led by the core self, who holds our true hearts and gives us the ability to heal.
Guided by this theory, we identified the parts who had been screaming to be heard, we listened to their grievances, and we gave them permission to relinquish their pain.
We had our last session before his retirement, our “closure session” he called it, and we reminisced on the last five years of our effort and acknowledged the fruits of that labor. He praised me for my progress and my determination and shared with me that he felt it was a privilege to journey with me these last five years. He reminded me to be kind to myself, to be a good parent for my inner child, and to always return to that place of calm, compassionate curiosity.
We won’t be keeping in touch now that he is retired, but I gave him the name of this column in case he ever felt like checking in with me, and I hope he reads them all.
My childish part was craving a nostalgia meal, but my responsible part insisted that if I were to eat this meal, I should at least make it myself, so I took the time to make chicken nuggets from scratch and ate them unapologetically with plenty of ketchup. These childhood favorites are certainly not healthy, but they’re made with more wholesome ingredients than their drive-thru equivalents, and paired with healthy sides, they are a kindness to every part of Tressa — especially the part that wants her 5-year-old to clear his plate, for once.
Ingredients (makes about 30):
2 pounds chicken breast
2 eggs
½ teaspoon white pepper
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon paprika
2 tablespoons cornstarch
For the batter:
1 cup cornstarch
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon white pepper
1 teaspoon paprika
1 ½ to 2 cups of water
Extra cornstarch to coat the nuggets
Oil for deep frying
Directions:
In a food processor combine the chicken, eggs, cornstarch and spices. Blend until the paste is very smooth.
Line a sheet tray with parchment as a landing zone.
Wet your fingers before scooping out a small portion of chicken, forming into a nugget shape, and arranging on the tray.
Place in the freezer for at least 30 minutes.
Prepare a bowl of cornstarch and make the batter by combining all the dry ingredients and adding enough cold water to make a loose batter.
Heat the oil until it shimmers.
Coat each nugget in cornstarch before dipping in the batter and transferring gently to the hot oil.
Working in batches, cook for about 5 minutes, flipping occasionally, until the internal temperature reaches 165 degrees.
Serve immediately or return to the freezer for future convenience meals.
