For many months I have been plagued by sleepless nights. Long before my early alarm, my eyes open in the dark and I am forced to endure the gauntlet of my mind. I go to bed early, I exhaust myself, body and mind each day with the hope that I will remain asleep until the morning, but I am lucky to get more than a few hours before I am awake for the day. I try to lay still and will myself to return to peace, but the echoes of my shame beat against my ears and drive me into the light. In the safety of the lamplight, those ghosts have no power over me, and my mind is once again mine.
My son is suddenly afraid of the dark and asks that I enter rooms before him to light his way. He asks for extra night lights, even when he is safely nestled between his parents in our bed, and he whimpers and runs past open doors to black rooms. I promise him that there is nothing in the darkness that isn’t there in the light, but I refuse to force him to endure his fear and turn on every light he asks for so he can sleep securely. He tells me he is afraid of ghosts in the dark. I tell him that ghosts aren’t real, yet my ghosts haunt me night after night after night.
My doctor says my sleeplessness is just a sign I’m getting older (as if that should be a comfort) and suggests all the things I’m already doing to encourage restful sleep. The next step I could take is to eliminate caffeine but … I won’t be doing that. Instead, I take naps when I can and use my lamplight solitude to improve myself so one day, those ghosts won’t have anything to say, and I will be able to flip my pillow and return to sleep secure.
My doctor says that fresh air and exercise are helpful tools to promote healthy sleep, so I make the effort to get outside most days. Saturday morning, I woke up far too early and used the time to prepare us a healthy lunch for our family skiing trip. I made our gyros with firm tofu and prepared homemade lentil wraps instead of pita bread to add extra fiber and protein to our meal. The lentil wraps need a little work, but the tofu gyro “meat” was so surprisingly satisfying, it will be a regular addition to our menu.
Ingredients for two servings of tofu gyro meat:
One block extra firm tofu
1 teaspoon beef base paste (or vegetable base paste)
1 tablespoon soy sauce
2 tablespoons souvlaki seasoning
Black pepper and salt to taste (the bouillon paste is very salty so you may not need any extra salt — I didn’t add extra)
2 tablespoons olive oil
¼ cup water
Directions:
Rinse your tofu under running water then wrap in a clean kitchen towel. Press for 20 minutes to remove excess moisture.
Whisk together all the remaining ingredients in a mixing bowl. Be sure there are no lumps of bouillon base in the mix.
Slice the entire block of tofu thinly, about 1/8 to ¼ inch thick, and add it to the mixing bowl.
Very gently, with your hands, toss the tofu to coat completely. Let it marinade for 15 minutes before turning on your oven.
Preheat to 350 degrees and prepare a baking sheet with parchment paper.
When the oven is hot, spread the tofu in a single layer across the tray and bake for 35 minutes. The tofu should be nearly dry and chewy when it’s done.
Assemble your gyro in a pita or wrap with tomato, red onion, feta cheese, lettuce, and a sauce made of yogurt and lemon juice or tzatziki if you are feeling extra motivated. It would also make an excellent addition to a Greek salad.
