waste not

As Father’s Day approaches, I have no dreams of being named Father of the Year. Not even in my own house.

You see, at our house I have had to assume the role of making sure the shower spigots are closed down all the way (they aren’t), the lights in empty rooms are off (they never are), the front door is locked (it isn’t even pushed shut most of the time). While the kids frolic, I follow behind and enforce the laws of security and conservation.

A couple of years ago, a commercial showed a father wandering around the house cutting off wasteful utilities. I think he called himself “the enforcer.”

The first time I saw it, I leaped off our couch and screamed:

ADVERTISEMENT
0 seconds of 0 secondsVolume 0%
Press shift question mark to access a list of keyboard shortcuts
00:00
00:00
00:00
 

“That’s me! I’m the enforcer! They’ve stolen my job in the house and made a commercial out of it!”

I suspect that any house not 2 inches deep in running water and burning so many kilowatts that it’s visible from space has an enforcer. Most likely it’s the father, and he no doubt endured one of the many recessions our country has gone through.

Surely you recall stories about survivors of the Great Depres­sion who hid money in attics and under floorboards because they had lived through times when only banks had it. Other, less severe recessions made enforcers of many more: the Copper Panic of 1789; the Depression of 1807; the 1860-61 recession; the Long Depression of 1873-96; the early 1980s recession; and of course, the Great Recession of 2007-09.

Me, I grew up amid the Re­ces­sion of 1958, also known as the Eisenhower Re­ces­sion, according to Wiki­pedia, because Ike was president from 1953 to 1961. Life magazine sent photographers out and found that more than 5 million people – 7 percent of the workforce – were forced out of jobs.

My childhood, then, was one of scarcity. It probably would have been so even if the nation’s money were flowing freely, because we were farm folks. We ate sufficiently because of livestock and a big garden, but we worked hard and never knew excess body fat.

Despite the constant work and hard times, my childhood was as large as all outdoors, literally. Indoors didn’t include the luxuries beyond life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We all learned to conserve, sometimes drastically. I suspect that’s why I am too much of a pack rat today to please my wife.

Anyway, when the kids are tromping through the house on a given weekend, I get little rest because I jump up to turn off bathroom lights and fans and water faucets. I pick up left-behind soda cans and water bottles to determine which belongs to which child.

“Look here, drink all you want, but please finish them before opening a new one,” I constantly nag. “It’s a waste. What if we were going through a recession?”

They never understand, but perhaps that is good. A healthy economy is better than an enforcer’s popularity on Father’s Day.

Reach Glynn Moore at glynn.moore@augustachronicle.com.

More in Life

"Octopus" is an acrylic painting by new co-op member Heather Mann on display at Ptarmigan Arts in Homer, Alaska. Photo provided by Ptarmigan Arts
July First Friday in Homer

Homer’s galleries and public art spaces celebrate with new and ongoing exhibits.

Frank Rowley and his youngest child, Raymond, stand in knee-deep snow in front of the protective fence around the main substation for Mountain View Light & Power in Anchorage in 1948 or ’49. This photo was taken a year or two before Rowley moved to Kenai to begin supplying electrical power to the central peninsula. (Photo courtesy of the Rowley Family)
Let there be light: The electrifying Frank Rowley — Part 2

In July 1946, the soft-spoken Rowley was involved in an incident that for several consecutive days made the front page of the Anchorage Daily Times.

This nostalgic sauce is so shockingly simple, you’ll never buy a bottle again. Photo by Tressa Dale/Peninsula Clarion
America’s favorite culinary representative

The original recipe for ranch dressing was invented and perfected in Alaska, out in the bush in 1949.

Graphics show the nine finalists in three age groups for the Soldotna “I Voted” sticker design contest. (Provided by City of Soldotna)
Soldotna announces finalists for ‘I Voted’ sticker contest

Public voting will be open until July 20 to determine the winners.

Homer’s Cosmic Creature Club performs at the 2024 Concert on the Lawn at Karen Hornaday Park. (Emilie Springer/Homer News file)
July events to provide entertainment and fun on lower Kenai Peninsula

Events include the Highland Games, Concert on the Lawn, local art camps and the Ninilchik Rodeo.

Nick Varney
Unhinged Alaska: Flashback dreams and the cold sweats

When summer arrives, every personage in the known cosmos suddenly seems to remember that they have kindred living in Alaska.

File
Minister’s Message: Freedom is not what you think

If freedom isn’t what we first think it is, what is it?

This is the Kenai Power complex. The long side of the plant faces the Frank Rowley home, seen here at the right side of the photograph. (Photo courtesy of the Rowley Family)
Let there be light: The electrifying Frank Rowley — Part 1

Frank Rowley made one of the most important steps toward modernization in the history of Kenai.

”Thread of Light” is an acrylic painting done this year by Dan Coe on display through June at the Art Shop Gallery in Homer, Alaska. Photo by Christina Whiting
Fine art in invented spaces

Anchor Point artist showcases his skills with exhibit of acrylic paintings.

A variety of peony blooms grow vibrantly on Pioneer Avenue on Thursday, July 25, 2024, in Homer, Alaska. (Delcenia Cosman/Homer News)
6th annual Peony Celebration begins July 1

The festival will run in Homer through Aug. 17.

This cake stacks colored crepes for a brilliant rainbow breakfast. (Photo by Tressa Dale/Peninsula Clarion)
Crepes of a different color

This rainbow cake celebrates Pride with layers of colored crepes.