Symptons of aging

Last week I wrote about the changes that come with the passing years. Moreover, those years pass faster the further we get from the neonatal unit.

(I’ve developed three more wrinkles since I sat down to write this. And they’re gray.)

If this talk is all Greek to you, count yourself lucky that you can worry about it tomorrow. If you are in the same boat, however, grab a bottle of liniment and find yourself in the following life changes:

• Nothing feels better than your own bed at night. For that reason, you don’t take as many trips as you once did.

• You can’t identify any songs on the Top 40, if they even still have a Top 40. You don’t know because you rarely listen to the radio. The songs all sound alike. If you can’t tune to Obituaries Over the Air, you turn off the radio and go dye your hair.

• Unless, that is, the songs are remakes of oldies. Then you can pick out every word and can remember who first recorded it and in what year and where you were the first time you heard it. Unfortunately, the oldies keep getting younger. You dread the day the 1990s are worshipped.

• Otherwise, your memory is … well, I’ll get back to this when it comes to me.

• Bands in a club play too loudly. But the TV is never quite loud enough.

• You begin to pay attention to the side-effect warnings of prescription medications on TV commercials.

• You begin growing hair in places that used to be bald. And you’re a woman. For men, ear hair can be brushed easier than trimmed.

• You find people you knew in the obituaries. All too often, you say, “He was my age.”

• Your food has changed. We avoid fat, cholesterol, sugar, gluten and MSG. You grew up on a farm, though, and the annual gluten crop was what kept you going.

• Yogurt. I will say no more.

• You read the paper and watch network TV news because you don’t trust the Internet to get it right.

• Sickness hangs on longer than before. The common cold is suddenly a life-threatening illness – at least in your mind. In the shower, you worry about falling and breaking your hip.

• You refuse to get another eye examination because your glasses got you through last year and you paid too much to go changing lenses now.

• You stop to look at every baby you see. They’re not quite as cute as your grandchildren, but more’s the reason to boost their self-esteem.

• You don’t feel flattered if you get carded when buying wine. You fall down laughing, but that is followed by: “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

To you whippersnappers out there: Tuesday is Groundhog Day, when the habits of a rodent determine the seasons. For you, anyway.

We of a certain age know better. There are always six more weeks of winter, no matter what that fat squirrel says.


Reach Glynn Moore at

More in Life

This artwork, as well as the story that accompanied it in the October 1953 issue of Master Detective magazine, sensationalized and fictionalized an actual murder in Anchorage in 1919. The terrified woman in the image is supposed to represent Marie Lavor.
A nexus of lives and lies: The William Dempsey story — Part 1

William Dempsey and two other men slipped away from the rest of the prison road gang on fog-enshrouded McNeil Island, Washington, on Jan. 30, 1940

Minister’s Message: Reorienting yourself to pray throughout the day

No doubt, one of the most remarkable gifts God gives to communicate with his creation is the gift of prayer

The Christ Lutheran Church is seen on Wednesday, Oct. 12, 2022, in Soldotna, Alaska. (Jake Dye/Peninsula Clarion)
Musicians bring ‘golden age of guitar’ to Performing Arts Society

Armin Abdihodžic and Thomas Tallant to play concert Saturday

Storm Reid plays June Allen in “Missing,” a screenlife film that takes place entirely on the screens of multiple devices, including a laptop and an iPhone. (Photo courtesy Sony Pictures)
On The Screen: ‘Missing’ is twisty, modern, great

I knew “Missing” was something special early on

Puff pastry desserts are sprinkled with sugar. (Photo by Tressa Dale/Peninsula Clarion)
Puff pastry made simple

I often shop at thrift stores. Mostly for cost, but also out… Continue reading

Nick Varney
Unhinged Alaska: Would I do it again?

I ran across some 20-some year-old journal notes rambling on about a 268-foot dive I took

A copy of Prince Harry’s “Spare” sits on a desk in the Peninsula Clarion office on Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2023, in Kenai, Alaska. (Ashlyn O’Hara/Peninsula Clarion)
Off the Shelf: Prince Harry gets candid about ‘gilded cage’ in new memoir

“Spare” undoubtedly succeeds in humanizing Harry

The cast of “Tarzan” rides the Triumvirate Theatre float during the Independence Day parade in downtown Kenai, Alaska on Monday, July 4, 2022. (Camille Botello/Peninsula Clarion)
Triumvirate swings into the year with ‘Tarzan’, Dr. Seuss and fishy parody

The next local showing of the Triumvirate Theatre is fast approaching with a Feb. 10 premiere of “Seussical”

This vegan kimchi mandu uses crumbled extra-firm tofu as the protein. (Photo by Tressa Dale / Peninsula Clarion)
Meditating on the new year with kimchi mandu

Artfully folding dumplings evokes the peace and thoughtful calm of the Year of the Rabbit

Most Read