Pirates and salmon

Arrr! Avast, matey! Pump yer bilge, weigh yer anchor, and batten down yer hatches. Sept. 19 be International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

It be a day of swagger and silliness, a day when instead of sayin’, “I think I’ll see what there is to eat in the fridge,” ye say, “Arrr! I be pillagin’ the galley fer some booty!”

If ye can talk in a blustery growl and say “arrr” a lot, ye already can talk like a pirate. If ye want to get more serious-like, tack yer way over to talklikeapirate.com, and ye can dig in the motherlode of piratey sayin’s.

ADVERTISEMENT
0 seconds of 0 secondsVolume 0%
Press shift question mark to access a list of keyboard shortcuts
00:00
00:00
00:00
 

On Talk Like a Pirate Day, if ye be, say, payin’ a visit to piratey pals, instead of sayin’ “Hello” at their front door, ye might shout, “Ahoy, me buckos, and prepare to be boarded! Arrr!”

When answerin’ the phone, instead of “Hello,” ye might growl, “Avast, ye scurvy bilge rat! Arrr!” and hope it be a friend callin’ who knows you be a bit “off.”

This be a day when ye can go a bit overboard singin’ sea chanteys, such as, “Ye never count yer booty, when yer sittin’ at the table; Thar’ll be time enough fer countin’, when the cheatin’s done.”

Another thing, it be proper to tell piratey jokes on Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Why wouldn’t the pirate say, “Aye, Aye, Cap’n”? The Cap’n had only one eye.

Why couldn’t the pirate catch fish? He had a bad hook.

On the subject of not catching fish, my wife and I have been fishing for silvers from a neighbor’s dock on the Kenai River in Sterling. On Wednesday morning of this week, we were there, patiently waiting for a bite. Our patience was being sorely tried. Other than a few spawning humpies, neither of us had caught a salmon all year.

We were sitting there, watching our rod tips for any sign that a silver might be curious about our bait, but nothing was happening. After an hour or so of that,

Sue said, “Fishing is like Internet dating.”

We had met on an Internet dating website, so I was interested in where this analogy would lead.

“You put your bait out there, and wait,” she said. “If nothing happens, you say, ‘Hey, my bait may not be perfect, but it’s not bad.’ You have to be patient. You spruce up your bait a little, and put it out there again. You get nibbles. When you finally hook one, it might not be what you want, so you throw it back and keep fishing. If you keep fishing long enough, you catch what you’re looking for.”

We had “fished” the Internet for a couple of years before finding each other. I’m not sure who caught whom. What first attracted me was a photo of her holding a fish.

Back to Wednesday morning, Sue and I finally went home, skunked again. After lunch, she was busy doing something, so I went back to the river alone, first looking for that first salmon of the year.

We’d tried plugs and bait, so I decided to try an old friend, the Size 5 Vibrax spinner. The river was high and murky, but I figured the fish could see it well enough. Sure enough, after a few casts, something grabbed it. I pulled. Whatever it was pulled back. “Another humpy,” I thought.

But I was wrong. The fish turned out to be a bright, 14-pound silver, just what I’d been looking for.

Les Palmer can be reached at les.palmer@rocketmail.com.

More in Life

File
Minister’s Message: Experience the abundant life Jesus has for you

Life of all forms is definitely abundant in most parts of the world.

Historic Elwell Lodge Guest Cabin is seen at its new spot near the Kenai National Wildlife Refuge’s Visitor Center. (USWS)
An enduring legacy — Kenai National Wildlife Refuge cabins

A tremendous wealth of our local history is captured in one unique, entertaining work.

Virginia Walters (Courtesy photo)
Life in the Pedestrian Lane: Survival skills

We compensate all our lives for one thing or another.

tease
Off the shelf: Time and space and the human heart

Contemporary novel combines historical and science fiction for a gripping, emotional journey.

Mary L. Penney, one of only two women known to have joined the Kings County Mining Company’s 1898 expedition to the gold fields of Alaska. (Photo courtesy of the Penney Family Collection)
Mary Penney and her 1898 Alaska adventure — Part 2

When Mary was 14, she found herself in the company of a “young matron” who was about to give birth.

These pinto beans and rice only take about 10 minutes of hands-on work before they are stewed for about 12 hours in a cooking pot. (Photo by Tressa Dale/Peninsula Clarion)
A complete meal for when you’re pinching pennies

My mother always kept a large tub of rice and beans, provisions she called “struggle food.”

Emerson Kapp and Elias Bouschor rehearse “Our Town” in the Soldotna High School Auditorium in Soldotna, Alaska, on Friday, April 18, 2025. (Jake Dye/Peninsula Clarion)
Ordinary moments find meaning in ‘Our Town’

Soldotna High School stages classic drama in pared down production.

The Triumvirate Theatre stands in Kenai, Alaska, on Saturday, April 19, 2025. (Jake Dye/Peninsula Clarion)
A return to stage

Triumvirate Theatre debuts new performance space.

This takeout favorite is deceptively easy and comes together faster than it can be delivered. (Photo by Tressa Dale/Peninsula Clarion)
A sweet and sour dinner for 3

I really wanted some sweet and sour takeout this weekend, but all my favorite restaurants are far outside of delivery range.

Most Read