My wife and I have seven kids. Yes, you read that right — seven. This is not a typo. And while Kristy and I love our large family, cultivating harmony at home can be a real challenge sometimes. But I don’t think we’re alone in this. If you take a look around, dysfunction seems to be at an all-time high. And families caught in the cycle of dysfunction often face deeply serious abusive issues that become generational curses. In fact, children of dysfunctional families are likely to carry this cycle into their own lives and families. Just ask King David.
Dysfunctional means that the abnormal has become normal. The occasional criticism has now turned into excessive negativity. The rare yelling fit has now become the default mode of communication. The irregular occurrence of withholding affection has now become a regular practice. These are all forms of dysfunctional behavior.
A couple summers ago our boys purchased an old four-wheeler. Unfortunately, it had a few problems. One of which was that it couldn’t idle. In order to keep it from dying, we had to keep the throttle constantly held down. And this made it hard when switching riders. As one rider stepped off, he would have to keep the throttle gently pressed down until the next rider hopped on. If you’ve ever operated a four-wheeler, then you know how ridiculous this sounds. But hey, the boys were having fun and they eventually got used to it. Which is actually a whole other problem. Because, while the presence of dysfunction is concerning, getting used to dysfunction reveals an even deeper issue.
A few years back, Kristy and I tore out our bedroom carpet. Within 30 minutes we were breathing much better. But the scary part was that we realized we had gotten used to breathing dirty air and didn’t even know it. Similarly, many people are living with the toxins of stress, chaos and abuse. And the saddest part is that they think that’s just the way it’s supposed to be.
So, let’s tear out the old carpet of dysfunctional behavior. A great way to do this is by finding a healthy (not perfect) family, and breathing in the air of their environment, because this will help spot the allergens in our own household. Remember, our homes are a litmus test of the Gospel’s ability to transform broken people. And kids need to see this, because, if they don’t see the Gospel work at home, then why would they believe the Gospel works at all?
One more thought on this for the broader Christian community — while we should teach and model God’s ideal for the family, our ministry efforts can’t be shaped by God’s ideal for the family. If they are, we’re going to leave a lot of people behind. Instead, we help families tear out the old carpet by mending deep brokenness as we cultivate a gentle bedside manner.
Harmony at home begins with tearing out the old carpet.
Andrew and Kristy Miller, along with their seven children, live in Sterling and serve at Sterling Baptist Church located at the corner of Swanson River Road and the Sterling Highway. Family worship is at 11 a.m. on Sundays.
