The author displays her daily vitamin, three yellowish clear bubbles of Vitamin D, and 20 mg of Paxil. (Photo by Meredith Harber/Minister’s Message)

The author displays her daily vitamin, three yellowish clear bubbles of Vitamin D, and 20 mg of Paxil. (Photo by Meredith Harber/Minister’s Message)

Minister’s Message: Accepting all parts of your story of growth

I started taking Paxil almost six years ago, after a lifelong struggle with anxiety and depression

“A seed neither fears light nor darkness, but uses both to grow.”

— Matshona Dhliwayo

I wish I could tell you that I start my day with meditation or daily prayer, but that would be a lie and I probably shouldn’t lie to my local newspaper. Instead, I let my dogs out, make my breakfast, then sit down on the couch and watch “The Office” for the 698th time; no, that’s not a lie. After I eat my breakfast, I reach for my pill container. I crack open that little blue box and dump the assigned day’s concoction into my hand: my daily vitamin, three yellowish clear bubbles of Vitamin D, and 20 mg of Paxil.

I started taking Paxil almost six years ago, after a lifelong struggle with anxiety and depression. I often tell people that I have high-functioning anxiety, because most people see me as a warm, friendly, capable and organized adult. I love my work as the pastor of Christ Lutheran Church. I have lots of friends and hobbies. I like to volunteer and support local organizations. And yet, I need 20 mg a day to help fight the hamster wheel of anxious thoughts in my body.

As a Christian, I wish Jesus had said a lot more about what to do when your body chemistry needed more help than a multivitamin or Vitamin D. As a Christian, I wish Jesus had said a lot more about what to do when even with that 20 mg, you still feel lost and lonely, feeling like you’re too much for the world and not enough at the same time.

ADVERTISEMENT
0 seconds of 0 secondsVolume 0%
Press shift question mark to access a list of keyboard shortcuts
00:00
00:00
00:00
 

But while I cannot isogete pharmaceuticals in Jesus’s ministry, I have to believe that for all of the times Jesus went off by himself to pray (Luke 4:1-2, 14-15; Luke 5:16; Luke 6:12-13; Matthew 14:1-13; Mark 6:30-32; and so on), he was also doing some important work on his mental health. He stepped back from his ministry, from his work, from his friends, from his commitments, and spent time within himself to become centered again. He didn’t have vitamins or anything in a little blue container that we know of, but he did take the time to check in with himself and to take care of himself.

Being upfront with what this 20 mg means for me and who I am with my particular body chemistry is not to make you worry about me, but to share my experience of mental health in this time. We are all seeds in this world, no matter how old you are, and we need all of it to grow — the light, the dark, the dirt, the crap, the water, the life. Keep growing, dear people, and do not shame the parts of you that you’d rather keep hidden. Honor it, name it, claim it, and let it be a part of your story of growth.

The Rev. Meredith Harber serves as the pastor to Christ Lutheran Church, 128 N. Soldotna Ave., Soldotna. Worship is at 10 a.m. on Sundays in person and livestreamed on their Facebook page.

More in Life

A screenshot of a photo from the rescue's Facebook page shows Sushi, a cat looking for a home for over two years now. (Photo courtesy of Clear Creek Cat Rescue)
Southcentral cat rescue seeking foster homes, adopters for stray felines

In 2024, the organization helped rescue 589 cats.

Nick Varney
Unhinged Alaska: I should have known better

It all started off rather quietly.

Capt. Karl Kircheiß, a decorated German sailor, visited Steve Melchior in Seward in 1932.
Steve Melchior: Treasured peninsula pioneer with a sketchy past — Part 3

Stephan “Steve” Melchior sent a friend to Katherine to tell her that he had died in Alaska.

File
Minister’s Message: Living like lambs (in the midst of wolves)

The only chance lambs have of survival is if they have a shepherd watching over them, guarding them, protecting them.

A healthy dose of shredded cheddar makes the veggies in this soup palatable even for the most sensitive diner. (Photo by Tressa Dale/Peninsula Clarion)
Something warm and comforting

This mild and nutritious soup is full of fiber and vitamins, plus a healthy dose of shredded cheddar.

Forever Dance Alaska performers deliver a routine while walking with the 67th Annual Soldotna Progress Days Parade on Marydale Avenue in Soldotna, Alaska, on Saturday, July 27, 2024. (Jake Dye/Peninsula Clarion)
68th Annual Progress Days events to take place this weekend

The celebration includes events around town from Wednesday through Sunday.

Artist Ingrid McKinstry stands next to her current mixed media exhibit and her work available year-round at Fireweed Gallery in Homer, Alaska. Photo provided by Ingrid McKinstry
An exploration of curiosity

Homer artist showcases new and previously completed mixed media pieces.

Jake Dye/Peninsula Clarion
Attendees dance at Salmonfest in Ninilchik<ins>, Alaska,</ins> on Saturday, Aug. 3, 2024.
Salmonfest to return for 15th year of fish, love and music

This year’s festival will take place from Aug. 1-3 at the Kenai Peninsula Fairgrounds in Ninilchik.

Virginia Walters (Courtesy photo)
Life in the Pedestrian Lane: AI or not?

AI is here to stay, for better or worse, and we have to recognize that there are limitations to its usefulness.

Most Read