Brexiit explained for Americans

Although many people have asked me to explain Great Britain’s vote to leave the European Union, I thought I could duck the issue until it blew over. I hate politics. After it was revealed that I speak the English language, though, the mail doubled.

A high percentage of Bri­tons were asking Google such things as “What is the EU?” and “What is Goo­gle?” If those folks are confused, it stands to reason that many Americans are, too.

So, I have dug readers’ questions out of the trash can and will do my best to soothe your minds:

Q: Why did Great Britain vote to leave the European Union?

A: I’m not really sure. Who knows what the third world is up to?

Q: Was the vote binding?

A: That’s the funny thing. It wasn’t. It was just an advisory referendum, so they can turn around and stay in the EU after getting everybody upset and upsetting the world markets.

Q: What exactly does Brexit mean? I don’t think I’ve heard it before.

A: That’s one of those messy foreign matters we might never know.

Q: Do you think it could have anything to do with the fact that “Britain” was “exiting” the EU?

A: Britain exit. Brexit? I’ve never put those two together before, but you might be right. It’s too bad Finland didn’t pull out; the vote might have led to a Fixit. Ireland might have been Irxit, which sounds irritating. The Czech Republic, Czechit? That could be a snack cracker, not a referendum. Those Europeans are strange.

Q: Is the vote going to affect the everyday lives of the British people?

A: I certainly hope so. Have you ever seen the food they eat over there? A friend brought her English friend to our house while he was visiting (hmmmm, Brisiting?) and he loved the Louisiana-style food my wife cooked. But then, it had flavor and character. I’d hate to have to eat bangers and mash and fish and chips every day.

Q: What would happen if one of our states tried to pull out of our Union?

A: That would be terrible, depending on how many. We could still affix 49 stars to the flag, or 48, because we’ve had those before. Forty-seven, though, is a deal-breaker. Unless that state was New York; I think everyone would agree we could live without it.

Q: But New York is the home of the two presumptive presidential nominees.

A: Exactly. Two birds, one stone. What does “presumptive” mean, anyway? It sounds like a disease miners used to get.

Q: Hey, why are you asking the questions now?

A: I’m just saying, if you look up “presumptive” in the dictionary, it says “the same as presumptuous,” and under that word are such synonyms as brazen, arrogant, audacious, impertinent, insolent, impudent and cocky. Is that what we want in a president?

Q: What does all this have to do with Brexit?

A: Good question.

Reach Glynn Moore at glynn.moore@augustachronicle.com.

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