Will Morrow (courtesy)

Will Morrow (courtesy)

Too close to home

‘More recently, those ads have taken a turn. And I have to say, it kind of hurts.’

  • By Will Morrow For the Peninsula Clarion
  • Monday, February 8, 2021 9:44pm
  • Life

By Will Morrow

For the Peninsula Clarion

I really enjoy the creativity behind many of the commercials for homeowner’s insurance. It’s impressive to see someone have fun with what is generally a pretty dry subject.

However, some of those ads have started hitting just a little too close to home.

I’m not talking about the one that feature Flo and Jamie, or Peyton Manning and Brad Paisley. And I don’t mean the ones about problems with the neighbor’s “fencing” or “clogging” issues. In fact, if you go by my taste in music, my neighbors would probably tell you that I’m the one with the “Ratt” problem.

No, I’m talking about the ads with the tag line, “We can’t protect you from becoming your parents.”

The series was launched a while ago, with a new homeowner who starts making questionable wardrobe choices, driving slow on the freeway for the gas mileage, appreciating some good mulch, and doing awkward stretches before a hike.

Those were pretty funny. While I may have adopted the “dad” wardrobe — especially during the past year’s safer-at-home protocols — I don’t do most of the other things. I mean, I do drive like an old man, but that’s because I was in a car accident when I was 17. No one was seriously injured, but it has informed my driving habits ever since. And the stretches I do before hikes aren’t awkward at all.

More recently, those ads have taken a turn. And I have to say, it kind of hurts.

The new ones feature a “parenta-life coach,” who is supposed to help homeowners avoid turning into their parents. He coaches on important life skills like not using speakerphone in public, limiting the number of pillows on the couch, and refraining from offering unsolicited advice to strangers.

All funny stuff, and things I’ve seen my parents do.

Then there was segment on sitting down in a chair without making what are commonly referred to as “dad noises” — that combination of a grunt, exhale and sigh we older folks tend to make. There was a time when I only made “dad noises” for dramatic effect. More recently, I’ve realized that I make those noises almost every time I sit or bend down. And, like the gentleman in the commercial, I didn’t even realize I was doing it. Oof.

But the segment that really cut deep was then one where the parenta-life coach is leading a seminar, and asks how many people printed out directions to get to the event, implying that it’s a habit you need to drop to “un-become” your parents.

The first time I saw that ad, I had just finished printing out an email with a receipt to take with me for a curbside pick-up. The only reason I didn’t also print directions to the store is because I already knew where I was going. And, ironically, I was printing out my old-fashioned hard copy to go pick an item up at a technology store.

Admittedly, printing directions is not the only time I ignore the piece of technology in my hand in favor of a method you could describe as “quaint.” For example, I write out my shopping and to-do lists on a sticky note — and then stick it to the back of my cellphone, because I know I’ll bring my phone with me, so I won’t forget my list. I am well aware that my phone has an app for that, yet I can’t seem to break that habit. Maybe I need my own parenta-life coach.

For that matter, my parents have fully embraced GPS technology. When last I visited, they had every trip saved in their cars’ GPS units, even the 2-mile jaunts to the grocery store. Of course, they also completely ignored the directions the GPS unit provided, because they knew a “better” way to get there.

So really, I’m not sure which situation requires more coaching — not using the technology, or disregarding the reason for using it in the first place.

Maybe I’ll start making better use of technology. Maybe I’ll start using my phone to compose my to-do lists.

I should jot that down on a sticky note as a reminder.

Will Morrow lives in Kenai. Reach him at willmorrow2015@gmail.com.

More in Life

"Octopus" is an acrylic painting by new co-op member Heather Mann on display at Ptarmigan Arts in Homer, Alaska. Photo provided by Ptarmigan Arts
July First Friday in Homer

Homer’s galleries and public art spaces celebrate with new and ongoing exhibits.

Frank Rowley and his youngest child, Raymond, stand in knee-deep snow in front of the protective fence around the main substation for Mountain View Light & Power in Anchorage in 1948 or ’49. This photo was taken a year or two before Rowley moved to Kenai to begin supplying electrical power to the central peninsula. (Photo courtesy of the Rowley Family)
Let there be light: The electrifying Frank Rowley — Part 2

In July 1946, the soft-spoken Rowley was involved in an incident that for several consecutive days made the front page of the Anchorage Daily Times.

This nostalgic sauce is so shockingly simple, you’ll never buy a bottle again. Photo by Tressa Dale/Peninsula Clarion
America’s favorite culinary representative

The original recipe for ranch dressing was invented and perfected in Alaska, out in the bush in 1949.

Graphics show the nine finalists in three age groups for the Soldotna “I Voted” sticker design contest. (Provided by City of Soldotna)
Soldotna announces finalists for ‘I Voted’ sticker contest

Public voting will be open until July 20 to determine the winners.

Homer’s Cosmic Creature Club performs at the 2024 Concert on the Lawn at Karen Hornaday Park. (Emilie Springer/Homer News file)
July events to provide entertainment and fun on lower Kenai Peninsula

Events include the Highland Games, Concert on the Lawn, local art camps and the Ninilchik Rodeo.

Nick Varney
Unhinged Alaska: Flashback dreams and the cold sweats

When summer arrives, every personage in the known cosmos suddenly seems to remember that they have kindred living in Alaska.

File
Minister’s Message: Freedom is not what you think

If freedom isn’t what we first think it is, what is it?

This is the Kenai Power complex. The long side of the plant faces the Frank Rowley home, seen here at the right side of the photograph. (Photo courtesy of the Rowley Family)
Let there be light: The electrifying Frank Rowley — Part 1

Frank Rowley made one of the most important steps toward modernization in the history of Kenai.

This cake stacks colored crepes for a brilliant rainbow breakfast. (Photo by Tressa Dale/Peninsula Clarion)
Crepes of a different color

This rainbow cake celebrates Pride with layers of colored crepes.

”Thread of Light” is an acrylic painting done this year by Dan Coe on display through June at the Art Shop Gallery in Homer, Alaska. Photo by Christina Whiting
Fine art in invented spaces

Anchor Point artist showcases his skills with exhibit of acrylic paintings.

A variety of peony blooms grow vibrantly on Pioneer Avenue on Thursday, July 25, 2024, in Homer, Alaska. (Delcenia Cosman/Homer News)
6th annual Peony Celebration begins July 1

The festival will run in Homer through Aug. 17.