I have a brilliant friend who was a former archaeologist. She recalled the meticulous and painstakingly slow process of uncovering ancient sites with the promise of finding bones, building foundations, and other unique structures and artifacts. While I assumed most of the work consisted of heavy-duty excavation tools like shovels or backhoes, the items used to do this careful, controlled work included everyday items like brushes, dental picks and sieves. I thought, it takes a really long time to uncover anything! She confirmed that the work of excavation can take several decades to fully uncover a site. Every potential artifact and seemingly insignificant portion of dirt is sifted, mapped and recorded so that the ancient site is thoroughly excavated, examined and, essentially, known.
One of my favorite passages is Psalm 135:23-24: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” King David wrote this ancient prayer thousands of years ago, modeling for us today the posture of humility in inviting divine introspection. The root Hebrew word used for “search,” חָקַר (châqar), conveys a deep, intensive seeking that carries with it the idea of digging into the earth, much like that of the archaeologist’s meticulous searching and sifting of the ancient sites. David invites God to carry out a spiritual excavation of his heart, which was viewed as the seating place of life from the Jewish perspective — everything that flows from us, flows from our hearts. Do you feel apprehensive or welcoming about the notion of inviting God to truly search you and know you?
The practice of self-awareness and introspection, or the ability to look inwardly and assess oneself honestly, is a fundamentally humbling experience. It requires a posture that accepts the premise that we are flawed and malformed in ways we may be unaware of; and secondly, that this self-knowledge is not merely contemplative, but necessitates change. We often fear what we do not know, and it is no wonder that we often resist introspection. To invite the divine into this act would seem to exacerbate this process, yet the examples of David and countless others have courageously shown us that by choosing to lay our hearts bare before God, we experience transformation over time and true fullness of life effectuated by God himself.
For Christians, this process of transformative and purifying change, or sanctification, is a natural and meandering part of the journey of faith. The sacrifice of Christ makes the way everlasting available to all, and the spirit of God empowers us to truly face ourselves with authenticity and boldness. When we invite God to search us and to know us, it is both relationally and epistemically transformative, for when God knows us and we know him, we grow in love, knowledge, and wisdom.
May we have the courage to venture the prayer of David today: Search me, O God, and know my heart.
Rev. Christianne Zeiger is a palliative care and end-of-life chaplain at Kenai Peninsula Home Health.
