Do you ever feel like you’re on the brink of the next big thing in your life? A big transition. A big decision. When standing still doesn’t seem like much of an option.
Every now and then the pleasant monotony gets rattled by a fresh dream or an achievable goal. Inspiration starts to stir, but you’re not sure if you want it to go anywhere yet. Some people ban these luxury feelings, because it can seem unrealistic. Others live them out and explore change on a daily basis. Between responsibilities (kids) and my schedule, I’m in between.
This next calender school year, my kids will both be in public school. My youngest will be a full time student. It’s too early to change their bedroom into a gym. And it’s too late to successfully add a career to my resume. What have I done the past 9 years? Raise kids. That’s really what brings on the whole “being on the brink of a dream blah blah transition blah.”
According to society, being a stay-at-home mother with no one home to mother might make the title void. I’ve never really liked society anyways. Someone still needs to clean, buy groceries, pay bills, and keep the family running. I’m a homemaker! With more time on my hands.
Alas, I have mixed feelings. On one hand the excitement of starting over or doing anything I want (between the hours of 9 a.m. and 3:30 p.m.) puts me in dream land. On the other hand, I will miss caring for my little humans. I imagine my lunch time will include being lonely and tumbleweeds blowing by. Hello, Netflix.
I could volunteer at the school in short increments. I could train like an Olympian, like most soccer moms do. I’ll probably end up going to the gym just long enough to wear Lululemon and get me through my 30s. So by the time I hit 40 I can be like, well I tried anyways. I could have more kids, but that ship has sailed and is in port right now. I have no desire to go back to school. I graduated from high school and college. That’s enough academics for me, thank you. A job. I could start a business, because if you are my age in this area, you own some kind of business. That’s great, not because of the trend of it, but the idea of doing something you love is admirable and making money from it is even better. I’m so close to this next stage in life, I just have to trust it will be good once I’m there.
After nine years with all the love and joy raising babies into children continues to bring me, I just might enjoy a few quiet months to myself. My husband has faith in me and supports that. I’ve got health issues, so he applauds my efforts in taking care of myself spiritually, mentally, and physically.
Once I turned 21 years old, I immediately started a family. I dragged my boyfriend to the altar (he says it was the other way around), he honored me with marriage, and we had a baby that next year. My career choice has always been my family. We work as a team. Every year that looks a little different, but having both kids in school later this year, it’s going to look a lot different. Maybe it will be less like Eat, Pray, Love and more like Binge, Panic, Pray. Either way, I have a great spouse by my side to go through it all. We trust God and each other. Blow the trumpets.
Here’s the thing: In order to feel peace with a big transition, it’s good to talk about it. I’ve never been the “suffer in silence” type anyways. Find a close loved one and talk to them. Get perspective on your new dreams or stage in life. Be open.
Personally, I’m going to identify what motivates me and discover what I’m good at and become excellent at it. If I’m honest, maybe I’ll like myself more with time to reflect on who I am. Not right before bed time or when taking a shower, but with real time to think about myself. I’ll be less like a mom robot on autopilot, because with young kids that’s natural, acceptable, and often times survival.
But now I feel myself adjusting to my roots again. I find myself remembering the quiet days of my first pregnancy before school schedules and soccer practice. I sense the shift inside my heart that tells me who I am as a mother will look and be different. I’ll tell my son the same thing I’ll tell myself once he starts kindergarten.
No matter what lies ahead of you, be brave and conquer.
Kasi McClure enjoys being a wife and mother of two in Kenai. She can be reached at columnkasi@gmail.com.
