Soup for quick comfort

Published 1:30 am Friday, February 27, 2026

A few nights ago, while lying peacefully in my bed, I was suddenly confronted yet again by a vision of unimaginable tragedy. Without warning or provocation, my mind brought into my consciousness images of my most terrible fears, and I watched, helpless, as the scenario played out before my unwilling mind’s eye, and I was overwhelmed by sickening grief as if it were reality.

I told myself to breathe and reminded myself that all was well, but the tears flowed, and my heart raced as my skin grew cold. Fear quickly spiraled into panic, and I was forced to rush downstairs to confirm with all my senses that my child was still alive. I stood there beside him under projected stars to watch his chest rise, and his eyelashes flutter above his rosy cheeks. When my heart finally resumed its regular rhythm, I made my way back to my bed, exhausted.

This happens to me, in one form or another, with disturbing regularity. So often that hardly a day goes by that I am spared the horrors of my imagination. Professionals have told me it is a trick my mind learned to protect me, that emotionally experiencing these imagined tragedies would somehow prepare me to cope with real ones when they occur, or perhaps they help me to process ones I have already endured. I can’t imagine how this torment could be useful, yet they are always simmering in the back of my mind.

I often make stock in my crockpot. I leave it on low for days, and the smell of it fills my house. I had a ham bone in there for three days — longer cooking time for bigger bones — and made ham and white bean soup with the last of a ham I got for sandwich meat. This soup was deep and familiar, like a recurring dream.

Ingredients:

1 whole yellow onion

1 ½ cups celery, medium dice

2 large carrots, medium dice

2 cans cannellini beans, rinsed and drained

6 cups stock

1 ½ cups diced ham

Fresh parsley, roughly chopped

½ teaspoon white pepper

2 teaspoons flour

2 tablespoons butter

Directions:

Melt the butter in a soup pot and briefly sauté the onion, celery and carrot until the onions are translucent.

Sprinkle on the flour and cook for 2-3 minutes.

Pour in the stock and bring to a simmer.

Cook for 10 minutes, then add the diced ham, drained and rinsed beans and white pepper and cook for an additional 5 minutes.

Turn the heat off and taste. Season with extra salt, if needed. The ham might be salty enough on its own.

Garnish with fresh chopped parsley and maybe a squeeze of lemon juice.