When our daughter was 11 and the COVID lockdown was in full swing, she, like many of the preteens and teens around her, turned to the internet for connection. Whether it was bonding over a favorite pop icon or the latest TV show, we watched her find friendship in the only place she could: online.
Her days were filled with long cross-country calls with friends who shared her love for “Total Drama Island” and “Miraculous Ladybug,” FaceTime and chats with neighborhood buddies who might as well have been a world away. It wasn’t much of a choice at the time. I was working as an EMT in a mass shelter with clients at high risk of contracting COVID, so our daughter’s in-person social bubble was intentionally small. We wanted to keep others — and her — safe.
Five years later, the situation is different. Now 16, we’ve decided that our daughter can choose how and where she builds friendships. The need for physical distance is gone, but the benefits of connecting with people who share her specific passions — right now it’s “KPop Demon Hunters” — remain. She’s mature and thoughtful, so we’ve learned to give her space to build both real-life and online communities. Still, navigating online safety hasn’t always been easy — or safe — and we’ve learned firsthand the importance of staying involved.
These days, kids are getting devices younger than ever. Recent stats from Common Sense Media show that 40% of 2-year-olds have their own tablet. I’m not here to tell anyone when a child should get a device — that’s a parental decision based on maturity and need — but I can share his: The only way we navigated those tumultuous tween-to-teen years successfully was because we stayed actively engaged in our daughter’s online world.
Parents, I urge you, and I know there are so many other things to think about, but you must stay engaged with what your kids are doing online. It’s not a separate world to them, it’s just as real as what happens at school. Sometimes, the enormity of keeping your kids safe can be paralyzing as a parent. You’re bombarded by info on the harmful impacts of too much screentime, the psychological effects of social media on body image (for girls and boys), addictive online gaming and, of course, the fear of adults, or other kids, bullying, shaming or even grooming your child.
Thankfully, Alaskan parents are not alone. There are easy ways you can learn more about keeping your kids safe online and if you’re like us and don’t usually have time to take a full training, there are materials you can order to help start the conversation in your house. We like the tools from Thorn, a national nonprofit focused on online safety, as well as the Alaska-specific resources from the Alaska Children’s Trust, which we helped develop with our own input and experiences. ACT has Online Safety Conversation Cards — and an app version coming — that help parents of preteens and teenagers navigate seemingly tough talks about online safety so that they become as regular as asking “How was school?” ACT just came out with a new online safety comic starring Alaska State Trooper dog K-9 Sunny that is available to order for free to any Alaskan.
Parents, join us in taking that first step. Access these resources when you can — but today, simply ask your child what their favorite thing on the internet was this week. Then ask them to show you. It might spark a meaningful conversation — and it’s those small, consistent moments that build trust.
Take it from us, parents who haven’t always gotten it right: showing interest in what your child is doing online and who they’re connecting with not only helps keep them safe, it strengthens your relationship.
Azri-el Sellers is a parent and born-and-raised Alaskan. He is a board member of the Mountaineering Club of Alaska and has completed the Chugach 120 Peaks. Kaila Pfister is a parent, Alaska Historical Society board member and the director of community engagement at Alaska Children’s Trust.
