Pigskin Pick ‘Em: Sinking ship is taking on water

  • Wednesday, October 16, 2019 11:58pm
  • Sports

The life raft keeping us afloat at Pigskin Pick’em Headquarters is taking on water! We’re officially in the middle of the NFL season and another uninspiring 6-8 tally against the spread in week six has left our season total at 36-53. Where do we go from here? Hopefully up! This has been the zaniest season I can recall in some time. Fortunately, this is a fictional column, and I was able to scrap together enough pennies to travel down to Seattle for the Seahawks-Ravens game. Earl Thomas’ homecoming should be a doozy! SEAAAAAAA-HAWWWWWWKS!

CHIEFS @ Broncos +3

The Donkeys have bounced back with two straight wins, after a month-long drought to start the season. Can Denver inch their way back into AFC West contention with a victory over the rival Chiefs? Kansas City has dropped two straight, it’s hard to imagine a team led by Patrick Mahomes will lose three in a row. Chiefs win 28-17

Ravens @ SEAHAWKS -3.5

I’m on a plane to Seattle, as I type this, for a little golf and the Seahawks game on Sunday. There’s no way my beloved Hawks will lose a game when I’m in attendance. It’s not fathomable. Russell Wilson is six weeks into his MVP season and Baltimore has struggled all year to stop the pass. Go Hawks! Seahawks win 31-21

RAMS @ Falcons -3

It’s amazing how quickly fortunes can change in the NFL. The Rams were in the Super Bowl last February, now they’re third in their own division. City Goat quarterback, Jared Goff, remembered that he’s bad. The Goat defense has been putrid, the team is a total mess. Somehow the Falcons are worse. Rams win 28-24

DOLPHINS @ Bills -17

The Canned Tuna are stinking up the NFL but there’s no way you can confidently lay 17 point to a Bills team led by errant passer Josh Allen. Buffalo has to be the worst 4-1 team in recent memory. The Tuna, for all their faults, covered the spread last Sunday, indicating they haven’t tanked completely. Bills win 20-7

JAGS @ Bengals +3.5

The Bengals are bad. They were already bad, and then a bunch of their good players got hurt and now they’re really bad. That’s what happens in football. The Jags are also terrible, but maybe not as terrible as the Bengals. I flipped a coin and it came up Jags so I’m going with that. This is a science, people! Jags win 28-20

Vikings @ LIONS +1.5

The Lions were absolutely robbed of a win Monday Night against Green Bay. The NFL has to do something about the officiating. One wonders why a multi-billion-dollar league doesn’t have full time officials. Why are the zebras going back to the office on Tuesday? Pay these guys what they’re worth and provide year-round training so the product is better. Lions win 21-17

RAIDERS @ Packers -4.5

The Packers escaped with a dubious victory on Monday night. The cheeseheads offense lacks punch without star receiver Davante Adams in the lineup. Green Bay may be without Geronimo Allison too after he took a brutal hit to the head last week. I haven’t had a feel for this Raiders team all season, but I think they find a way to cover. Packers win 24-21

TEXANS @ Colts even

Houston looks like they might be able to challenge Darth Belichick and his minion Patriots in the playoffs. Deshaun Watson, in his third year, has really stepped his game up, providing the Texans and my fantasy team with plenty of points. Stars DeAndre Hopkins and J.J. Watt have yet to make noise. When those two get going this Texans team will be tough to beat. Texans win 35-20

CARDINALS @ Giants -3

I got the Desert Bats going into Giants Stadium and knocking off the G-men. Kyler Murray has impressed the past couple weeks, and his ability to improvise has got the Cardinals out of some tricky spots. The Giants were riding a high after inserting rookie passer Daniel Jones into the lineup. The honeymoon is over. Cardinals win 26-21

49ERS @ Redskins +10

This is an easy one folks. The 49ers, fresh off a dismantling of the Rams in Los Angeles, travel to play the hapless Redskins in the Nations capital. San Francisco, led by average at best QB, Jimmy Garoppolo, possess a dominant defense. There’s a good chance the Redskins don’t score a point. 49ers win 28-3

CHARGERS @ Titans -2

The Chargers have long been a slow starting group, but the Bolts are taking that strategy to the extreme at 2-4. Tennessee is hoping to find a spark by removing Marcus Mariota, the team has replaced him with Ryan Tannehill. Yes, that’s the same Tannehill that wasn’t good enough to cut it for the Canned Tuna down in South Beach. This won’t end well. Chargers win 17-10

Saints @ BEARS -3

The Saints aren’t going to go undefeated with Hall-of-Fame quarterback Drew Brees on the sidelines, are they? New Orleans has kept things afloat behind a strong defense and perhaps the best RB in the league, Alvin Kamara. The vaunted Bears defense will play a key role in sending the Saints back down to Earth this Sunday. Bears win 20-14

EAGLES @ Cowboys -3

The Cowboys looked like contenders in the NFC just three weeks ago, but after a trio of defeats, including a horrendous loss to the winless New York Jets, the Fighting Jerry’s have been exposed as frauds. I have no idea which Eagles team will show up, but the internet tells me Philly’s head coach has already guaranteed a victory. That’s good enough for me. Eagles win 26-23

PATRIOTS @ Jets -10

The storyline for the Jets is that they really weren’t completely awful all along and now that quarterback Sam Darnold’s life is not in jeopardy, the Jets are a tough out. We’ll see if that script stays true when Tom Brady and the boys visit New York on Monday night. I’m not betting against the Patriots. Patriots win 34-17

By Nolan Rose

For the Peninsula Clarion

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