Week eight of the NFL season is proof that miracles can and do happen. The author of this demoralized column finally had a winning week against the spread! The last time that happened was all the way back in week one when we posted a 9-7 mark. Week eight wasn’t much better, but the 8-6 tally resembles a step in the right direction! That improves our season total to 50-67, which for those of you that are unfamiliar with gambling, is bad for bankrolls.
Luckily you, the loyal Clarion reader, haven’t cashed out your 401k to take my advice on picking winners in the NFL and if you have, honestly, you have nobody to blame but yourself. Here’s to more success this week!
49ERS @ Cardinals +10
The 49ers defense has been incredible, the running game has been spectacular, Jimmy Garoppolo has been slightly above average, can anyone stop these 49ers? All kidding aside I hope siding with them this week causes them to lose. Obviously, my picking them has zero impact on the actual game, or does it? We gamblers are a superstitious bunch! 49ers win 35-13
BUCS @ Seahawks -6
Going against my Seahawks this week but not for the same reasons mentioned with the San Francisco pick. These Seahawks just aren’t very good. The defense is the worst they’ve had in the Pete Carroll era, the special teams play is atrocious, and having Russell Wilson hand the ball off 40 times a game baffles the mind. Seahawks win a close one 24-21
TEXANS @ Jaguars +1.5
This game is listed as a home game for the Jaguars, but I’m not convinced playing in London, England, should count as such. The Jags have been really fun this year behind the surprising play of rookie QB Gardner Minshew. This game should be very competitive, assuming neither group hits the pubs too hard Saturday night, but Deshaun Watson is just too good for this Jags team. Texans win 30-23
Redskins @ BILLS -9.5
I’m shocked the line on this game is less than two touchdowns. That tells you the books in Las Vegas are just as skeptical about the 5-2 Buffalo Bills as I am, but any time you can fade this miserable Redskins team at a discount you have to do it. Redskins star and holdout Trent Williams returned to the team this week and failed his physical. The team cited “helmet discomfort” for the reason. Yeh, OK. Bills win 21-7
Vikings @ Chiefs (no line)
At the time of this writing there was no line available, presumably because we’re waiting on the status of Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes.
Jets @ DOLPHINS +3
This current Jets team being favored over anyone has to be a joke, right? The Soldotna Stars would run for over 300 yards on this group. The Canned Tuna have yet to win a game this season, but they’ve been more competitive in recent weeks. This game is so awful. Please just cancel it. Dolphins win 17-13
Bears @ EAGLES -4.5
The Eagles got a huge win in Buffalo last week to stay alive in the NFC East race. The Bears did not get a huge win, in fact, they got a heartbreaking loss. A last-second missed field goal reminded of last year’s playoff disappointment. When do the Bears move on from Mitchell Trubisky? The quarterback they drafted ahead of Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson for mysterious reasons. The sooner the better. Eagles win 28-17
COLTS @ Steelers +1
The Colts are the surprise team in the AFC at 5-2 without retired QB Andrew Luck. Incredibly, all seven Colts games have been decided by a touchdown or less. It would not be a surprise anyone to see this game come down to another game winning Adam Vinatieri kick. Vinatieri was first seen kicking field goals when dinosaurs roamed the earth. Colts win 20-17
Titans @ PANTHERS -3.5
The Panthers get at least another week before deciding on what to do with injured starting QB Cam Newton. Prior to last week the Panthers had won four consecutive games with Kyle Allen under center, but last week happened. Carolina drowned in San Francisco Bay, falling 51-13 to the 49ers. Expect the Panthers to bounce back this week and keep the Newton decision interesting. Panthers win 24-13
Lions @ RAIDERS -2
This is an interesting game with both teams fighting to stay relevant in their divisional races. The Lions are coming off a win last week, but a victory over the New York Giants hardly impresses. The Raiders fell to the Texans in Houston. It’s a coin flip affair between teams that have been anything but consistent. When in doubt, take the home side. Raiders win 35-31
BROWNS @ Broncos +3.5
I’m not excited to side with the Browns with the way they have played recently, but the Donkeys know how to Donkey and we’re seeing more of that this week. Brandon Allen, Denver’s newest, new QB, has been cut and waived a whole bunch of times during his four-year NFL career, presumably for a reason. If you thought the Denver offense was overly conservative with Joe Flacco passing the ball, wait until you see this week. Browns win 20-9
PACKERS @ Chargers +3
This is another mysterious line. The 7-1 Packers, led by Aaron Rodgers (he’s good) are only a field goal favorite over the injury-riddled, turnover-plagued Los Angeles Chargers. One step further the Packers are 3-0 on the road this season, and LA routinely feels like a road game for the Chargers, who don’t have fans. The Chargers are 1-3 at home. Guaranteed there will be more Cheese Heads than Lightning Bolts in the stadium on Sunday. Packers win 33-21
PATRIOTS @ Ravens -3
Always side with the Patriots without any thought whatsoever. This is the key to gambling success in the NFL. Patriots win 24-16
COWBOYS @ Giants +7.5
Always side with the Cowboys… Wait a second. That would be a stupid strategy. It works this week though because the Giants are terrible. New York rookie passer Daniel Jones has had his moments, but the bright lights on Monday Night Football will be a little overwhelming. Fighting Jerry’s win 30-14
