13.0°

'Fame'

United Artists

1 hour, 47 minutes

"FAME! I wanna live forever! I wanna learn how to fly! FAME!"

I've had that song stuck in my head since I saw the movie this weekend. Actually, that's not true. I've had the song stuck in my head since 1980 when the original movie hit theaters, although at 7 years old, I wasn't exactly lining up to see a bunch of New York City high-schoolers dance their way to success.

The original "Fame" also spawned a popular television show in '82 which, to be honest, probably had more to do with cementing that song into the popular conscience over its six-year-run than did the movie. I don't remember watching the show either, but that didn't keep me from feeling a little nostalgic while buying tickets to the big screen remake. This was a piece of my childhood being re-envisioned here. Or, if not my childhood, at least the childhood of people around my age, and that's enough for me. "FAME!"

Wow. I don't remember the original movie, so I can't make a fair comparison, but if the 1980 version was as hyper and confusing as this current film, I can't imagine that a TV "Fame" would have ever been launched. The film, about a class of NYC high school students attending a performing arts magnet school, feels like it has attention deficit disorder, jumping from plotline to plotline, from character to character with little rhyme or reason. Issues and problems arise, only to disappear without warning as the movie rushes on to the next thing. I guess if you're going to fit four years into 100 minutes, some things are going to get dropped. I'll attempt to reconstruct the plot:

An angry black teen, a wispy white girl, a brash asian chick, and a piano playing "Cosby Show" look-alike all audition for a few choice openings at one of the hardest-to-get-into schools in the country. Also applying are a myriad of dorks and cool kids, filling every box on the race/sex/orientation checklist.

Holding the keys to their collective futures is a cadre of bored looking ex-sitcom stars who showed up for, at most, a week's worth of filming to play teachers at PA (that's Performing Arts High, not Pennsylvania). Kelsey Grammer, Bebe Neuwirth, Megan Mullally and Charles S. Dutton have almost nothing to do aside from looking frustrated, concerned, or, in the case of Grammer, just exhausted. Poor Frasier Krane -- you could almost hear him whispering, "God, I wish I was back at Cheers."

Once the wheat is separated from the chaffe, our cast of misfit dancer/actor/singer wannabes is off and running. Don't bother trying to keep them straight, at least not at first. There are probably 10 main characters, and the story jumps so quickly between them that it's impossible to keep up. If, by chance, you are able to keep everything sorted in your head, be aware that this clarity will be short-lived. In order to combat the slight chance that an audience member might become engaged in the storyline, the writers decided it would be a good idea to abruptly fast-forward the timeline just when things are getting interesting. Thus, a very "Holland's Opus-y" kind of moment wherein Grammer's music instructor Mr. Cranston asks freshman star pianist Denise to step outside her comfort area and play accompaniment for the spring musical "Chicago," is awkwardly punctuated with a title screen "Sophomore Year."

Huh? Did she do it? Did she have the nerve to defy her conservative father? What'd she tell Cranston? Doesn't matter. We're already on to another year. FAME!

This nervous, frenetic pacing ruins what could have been at least an average movie. The idea is a good one, and as the success of the original suggests, a proven winner. Considering what they were given to work with, the acting is not bad. It's a fresh crop of unknowns, each of which, I'm sure, are hoping that this film will be a success and rocket them to stardom, so that's kind of appropriate, I suppose. Unfortunately, I doubt that this movie will serve as the cherry on top of anyone's resume.

Another problem is that it doesn't feel like anyone really sat down and worked out an identity for the film. Is it a musical? Not really, but sort of. Are the performances really happening, or are they the fantasy stagings of a Broadway show? Is this about the school, or the kids, or one particular kid? At different times you get the feeling that any of the three could be true. But so little time is spent with any one kid, that you'd be hard pressed to make any of them the central character. Denise comes closest, but that's just by default. It feels like this should be a story of the school, but beyond showing us the crowded hallways and oddly musical lunchroom, no effort at all is spent explaining how this institution works. Is it private? Public? How is it funded? How old is it? Who knows? That's a shame, because I think the original is based on an actual school, which I'd really be interested in knowing more about.

In the end, some of the kids of "Fame" come to glory, others to failure, showbiz being a harsh mistress, the film seems to say. But harsher still is the treatment given to a nearly 30-year-old classic, which I am now going to go and actually watch. Maybe it'll make me all the more nostalgic.

Grade: C-

"Fame" is rated PG for mild language, some teen drinking, and a brief scene of sensuality.

Chris Jenness is a freelance graphic designer, artist and movie buff who lives in Nikiski.